Awesome ME

 Awesome ME

Today , I am going to talk about myself... I took long time (I am 48yrs+, now) to recover myself repeatedly as I use to fall down when others make me vulnerable by saying that I am wrong ! By thinking may be or may not be, I simply saddened deeply and use to hurt my own body and soul maximum, along with my husband, son directly  and passively my parents and my brother(as they love me immensely). Family and my kind friends always mentioned me as a very sensitive person, and, they always advised to ignore others view on me, when '"I am'" in my best. Instead of self-assessment,  I repeatedly evaluated and judged others view on me and saddened as I have seen that I do behave honestly and respect all, everytime; and expeced the same from others........ As a result,  I fell down into depression for a stretches of time.

Why do I talk about this here? Because, I have seen that my dear ones is facing the issue till now, and unlikely, they don't have what I am blessed to have amazing husband like Balaji or supportive son like Provab or my strongest Baba-Maa, my true friends to support them to come out from these stupendous vulnerable situation. I wish that they realize the truth and breath fresh air and lead life peacefully. My Baba (father) always says me that life gives me thousands of reason to break down,  cry, lead miserably; but, I can follow my heart and then, I have billion reasons to smile, laugh, and easily lead strong life. He keeps on reminding me that we only rise by lifting others! 

And here, I am going to tell how I overcome obstacles.... Yes, it took me long time to realize self-soul that I am strong enough to be myself . And now I realized that I found the self love within me! 

I changed my thought process and it changed my life; but not enough!  I need to increase my patience more and more to hold myself so that my practice will not hamper for a seconds ..... Yes, I started practicing the beautiful "PAUSE".... whenever I am in doubt, stressed, upset, angry , I just pause, and, then I take a deep breath, do meditation.  It helps me to balance myself .

I don't interact much people  ever , but I used to have huge expectations from all my family members (maiden and in-laws), friends (hardly have fews)  as they are chatting with me  thousands words, listening me also at that point, or we are arguing each others ; then definitely  they understand me well, but, NO! I AM WRONG Here!!! They don't understand me.... here, relationships are superficial, isn't it? I do have few family members and few friends who understand me without I even speaking a word! I think , this is true relationship. I know that my true relationship circle decreases in size , but increases in value. And I am grateful! Why not? I woke up, running normal life and life is good, so, I am thankful. 

Before, I have observed a funny but weird characteristics in people who hurt me and then acted like I hurt the person and then this individual wouldn't stop by yelling me over the face repeatedly and over the phone and whatsapp, but also started writing in social media that I am heinous and torturous to that individual !! I started thinking that REALLY? But when? I hardly go and stay somewhere for over night or two!!! Then after understanding the cunning scenario, I slipped to depression what I use to overcome by myself by meditation. I always thought about others judgment on me!! Whereas my Baba - Maa, Husband,  Dada , even my Son tried to explain me to ignore the stupid hassles of others and follow my own heart as I am a as normal as like others. But I always ignore their wise advises. Till last year, I was affected by others, and now I hardly think of others....

By meditation,  I realised that only unhappy souls focus on what's missing, putting their fault on others shoulder and gossip by acting as victim; whereas happy one focus on what they have and others good quality. And, I think that we all need to be optimistic in life to be in peace. We need to pause to thrive more and more desires, it's better to be satisfied whatever we have.

To make hassle free life, I started a small change in my life that making myself a priority once in a while , and, I know that I am not selfish,  but this priority is necessary sometime! Actually,  I started understanding and corelate my body and soul together; if I'm not happy,  then I cannot make happy others too. My stress contagiously made vulnerable my husband and my son most!! Apologise for all my stress till date that I suffered and you both were in same boat, too. Yes, passively transfer the tension to my parents too.... Apologise again for my all stupid stresses! I cannot revert the time , but I changed myself. I promised to keep myself well and in peace , so that I can render my happiness and peace to my family. 

Small changes make my soul calm and composed and in peace. I started forgiving all who are even unapologetic.  Yes, life becomes easier when I learn to accept the apology that I never got. I even started evaluating and improving myself as person everyday, as ignore others attitude towards me. Completely stop to evaluate and judging others view of me.

Thank you Almighty, thank you Universe for the strength that started gaining from your eternal  blessings.  Thank you Maa- Baba (parents) for your blessings, Balaji (husband) and Teetan sona (son), and my all dearest friends, Dada (brother) for all your strongest support and reciprocation with me. Thank you all. Love you.

||Om Namah Shivay ||